How well equipped are you to face the changes you are guaranteed to have in life?
“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – George Bernard Shaw
Losing a Pool Table
I watched as the young man quickly and skillfully disassembled our family pool table. What had provided years of family fun, laughter, and enjoyment was reduced to nothing more than a frame, drop pockets, a slate bed and some screws and bolts. The young man handed me some cash and apologized for paying me so much less than what it was worth.
Next, I saw the washer and dryer being wheeled out on a dolly; same story – different buyer. He also apologetically handed me a couple hundred dollars saying he was sorry for my loss as if he was attending a funeral service.
What remained in the near-empty house would be tagged for a yard sale planned the next day.
We were losing our house and needed to sell everything. My son Rock and I would soon be moving in with my mom.
Change
Change; sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, sometimes it’s ugly. More often than not, it’s extremely painful. If you hate change, you’re in good company. Although resistance to change is a normal human reaction, most still loathe the process.
In this article, I’m going to share 3 mindset practices with you that resilient people do to successfully manage change so you can flourish when facing it.
Change = Growth
Research states that change alone is not the issue; resistance to change is the problem. What most people don’t realize is that without change, there would be no growth. Grasping this single revelation is a game-changer that can transform your life:
Change = Growth
Without change, forget growing as a person, a friend, a spouse, a parent, an employee, an entrepreneur, a leader.
Perhaps you are resistant to the change process, that’s understandable, but are you also opposed to seeing yourself stretch and grow personally or professionally?
“Change is the only constant in life.” – Heraclitus
Wall of Resistance
Resistance comes in many forms: Some people resist change because of:
- The Fear of the Unknown
- The Uncertainty about the Future
- The Lack of Being in Control
- Losing Autonomy
Regardless of what your wall of resistance is, evidence states overwhelmingly that to stay the same will cost you…plenty. What are you going to miss out on if you stay where you’re at:
- New Skill Sets
- Greater Courage
- A More Resilient Mindset
- New Opportunities
It is a given that change is difficult but what are the consequences of not changing? In other words, what is not changing costing you?
- Bitterness
- Resentment
- Staying Stuck
- Being Unhappy
- Delays Moving Forward
Once you determine the impact of what the status quo will cost you, it’s time to come up with a plan to break down the wall of resistance you’re facing and push through to the other side: acceptance.
3 Ways to Break Down the Wall of Resistance
1. Gain Clarity
Get a crystal clear definition of all aspects of the change. In other words, what does your change look like and how will you be impacted by it?
Most of the resistance to change comes from the unknown. Therefore, finding clarity on how change will affect your life proves to be very helpful in breaking down this wall. Get clarity on:
- What you did previously that you can no longer do.
- How this change might make a positive impact on your life.
- What new things you can do now that you could not do previously.
Getting clarity will help you see the bigger picture and give you a clearer direction and a plan to navigate this new change.
2. Maintain Your Control
Don’t react to the change – own it. Most people have a strong need for certainty; to be in control. Losing that sense of independence, or autonomy is a key player when facing change. No one wants to lose their independence and there is no need to.
The truth is if you choose to own your change, you don’t have to lose anything. It all comes down to a choice; something you have 100% control over.
Look to see:
- What do you have control over?
- How can you experience greater growth because of this change?
- What opportunities might open up to you?
Authoring your change empowers you and enables you to keep your sense of autonomy.
3. Align the Change with Your Core Values and Personal Strengths
Values
Your values are the inner compass that drive your decisions; they are what you are naturally inclined to do.
Look to see how you can align your top 5 values with the new changes and how this can positively impact your life. For example, if adventure is a core value, how can you bring the sense of exhilaration or thrill into the new situation you find yourself in?
Strengths
Your personal strengths are the positive aspects of your personality. Research shows that when you identify and use your strengths, they will help you face challenges with greater confidence and flourish in life.
For example, the strength of Perspective will help you see the big picture in your new situation.
The strength of Bravery will help you tackle the new challenges that come with change; facing fears rather than avoiding them.
The strength of Self-Regulation can help you keep a greater sense of balance and order during change – this builds confidence.
When you live life according to your values and utilize your strengths, you go from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset which expands possibility thinking.
Building the New
Navigating change doesn’t always come easy, but the benefits of growth far outweigh the struggle.
It took me longer than I care to admit to “get” this. I fought change for a long time. I held on to the bitterness of losing my home. I use to walk by the old neighborhood constantly. I’d stop and gaze outside at my house, almost like a stalker viewing its prey. I longed to feel the beautiful hardwood floors under my feet and see the picturesque panoramic mountain views from the back room.
I wanted my son Rock to have his pool table back.
Had I let it, regret and resentment would have eaten me up.
One day I decided to let go and embrace our new home and see all the possibilities that were before us. I now have an incredible, purpose-filled career as a coach and speaker. I have learned new skill sets and grown in confidence and have a greater faith in God.
My son Rock and I had the tremendous privilege of being able to care for my mom in her later years as she developed dementia; we grew to be better people as a result of living with her.
We became more resilient from all that we faced.
I only wish I hadn’t been so resistant to change for so long, once I accepted it, my life improved dramatically.
I hope that by reading this blog post, you will have new tools to help you blast through any walls of resistance you are facing so you too can flourish.
Reframing your mindset and focusing on building new possibilities will allow you to reach acceptance much quicker.
As you do this, you will view change as a continual journey filled with
Adventure
Growth
New Opportunities
Digging Deeper: Are You Ready to Live a Life of Greater Adventure and Growth?
Your journey matters. Download my FREE e-book, The Rise of a Warrior, to:
- Discover an even greater sense of purpose
- Expand your mindset
- Live in your strength’s zone
- Energize your life
This book shares 5 Powerful Pillars of a Warrior’s Journey. These pillars are the foundational structure of an empowered life and will help you to embrace the principles outlined and apply them to your daily life.
“The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates
Rita helps her clients:
• Embrace their true potential
• Change their limiting beliefs/thoughts
• Create Purpose
• Live Empowered, Confident, and Successful Lives
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