The Toleration Mindset

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Joseph Campbell

Are you unconsciously choosing what drains you?

Here’s an uncomfortable question:

What if you’re choosing your tolerations?

I know. That stings a little. But stay with me.

Most of us think tolerations just “happen” to us. The messy closet, the difficult relationship, the draining job. We see them as overwhelming, beyond our control.

But what if they’re not?

What if, on some level, we’re choosing them because the familiar, even when it’s uncomfortable, feels safer than the unknown?

The Bargain We Don’t Realize We’re Making

Every toleration is actually a trade-off:

• “I’ll accept this discomfort to avoid that conversation.”
• “I’ll keep this mess to avoid the effort of dealing with it.”
• “I’ll stay stuck to avoid the uncertainty of change.”

The problem? These are terrible deals. You’re trading your energy, your peace, and your potential for temporary comfort.

And here’s the absolute truth: the thing you’re avoiding is almost always less painful than the daily drain of tolerating it.

Let Me Tell You a Story

I dread my quarterly taxes. Every three months, the deadline approaches, and I tell myself, “It’s too overwhelming.” I find so many other “priorities” and procrastinate.

I put it off. And put it off again. Every dang quarter. It’s written in my focus planner, yet it never gets crossed off.

By the end of the year, I’m not facing one quarter of taxes. I’m facing four. What would have taken 90 minutes per quarter now consumes my entire weekend. Plus, throw in the stress of rushing to file an extension when I’ve waited too long.

The irony? The thing I avoided because it felt too big became big because I avoided it.

Are you an avoider? What is it costing you?

Here’s what I had to face: the temporary discomfort I was avoiding was nothing compared to the permanent drain I was accepting.

So Let Me Ask You

• What’s more uncomfortable: having the difficult conversation once, or living with the tension every single day?
• What’s harder: spending three hours organizing that space, or feeling frustrated every time you can’t find what you need?
• What costs more: the risk of change, or the certainty of staying stuck?

I was never great at math, but when you compare the costs, this is a no-brainer. Frame it honestly, and the trade-off is obvious. The short-term discomfort of elimination is nothing compared to the long-term cost of tolerating.

Here’s the Good News: It’s a Choice

You have agency. When you realize that you’re choosing your tolerations, you have the opportunity to get your power back.

Think about it this way: if you choose them, you can choose differently. It’s your choice; that, my friends, is agency.

You’re not stuck. You’re not powerless. You’re just someone who’s been unconsciously choosing comfort over growth.

And now that you see it? You can change it.

What would change in your life if you stopped choosing temporary comfort and started choosing permanent peace?

Rewire your thoughts, and you’ll rewire your reality.